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A MadeForMums report featuring Manhattan Mental Health Counseling’s Steven Buchwald outlines five signs of oversharing — from post-conversation regret to one-sided conversations — and offers strategies to pause and choose the right audience without becoming closed off.
A new report from parenting site MadeForMums identifies five signs of oversharing — from conversations that turn into impromptu therapy sessions to a recurring “vulnerability hangover” — and offers practical strategies for sharing less without shutting people out. The guide draws on advice from Steven Buchwald, Managing Director of Manhattan Mental Health Counseling, and is aimed largely at parents navigating school-gate conversations, group chats and social media.
The first sign, according to the report, is when a casual conversation turns into a therapy session — for instance, disclosing childhood experiences, money worries or relationship details to someone you have only just met. Buchwald says the problem arises when people mistake revealing something deeply personal for establishing genuine closeness. “Intensity can feel like intimacy,” the report notes, “but real closeness is built when both people choose what to share.” The guide references social penetration theory, developed by psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor in 1973, which proposed that relationships typically progress from superficial exchanges toward more intimate ones over time.
The second sign is regret after disclosure. “Regret after disclosure is one of the clearest signals,” Buchwald says. “It suggests the sharing was driven more by anxiety, urgency, or even an attempt at humour rather than by a considered choice.” His recommendation is to delay sharing when possible — write the thought down or tell someone already trusted. If the urge fades after ten minutes, the original audience may not have been the right one.
The remaining signs include filling every silence with personal anecdotes, which Buchwald says can be a way of staying in control when uncomfortable; posting private matters online while emotions are high, which Buchwald says social media encourages because it “rewards immediacy”; and one-sided conversations, where friends stop opening up or retreat after intense exchanges. On online sharing, the report cites 2012 Pew Research Center findings that 11% of social media profile owners surveyed said they had posted something they later regretted, rising to 15% among 18 to 29-year-olds.
Why Oversharing Matters for Parents
The report speaks directly to parents, who the guide notes are often “juggling parenting, work and an overflowing mental load,” making a willing listener feel especially welcome. Oversharing can affect the balance of relationships, strain friendships and, in online contexts, expose information about children, partners and relatives who have not consented to it being made public.
The guide is also explicit that the goal is not to become guarded. Buchwald frames the key question as less “Should I tell anyone this?” and more “Is this the right person and the right moment?” He advises asking what you hope will happen after sharing: “If you want comfort, advice, or closeness, say that. If you are mainly trying to get the anxiety out of your system, a journal, a close friend, or therapy may be the better place than every audience in reach.”
The Research Behind the Advice
The guide’s central framework draws on social penetration theory, published by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor in 1973, which holds that self-disclosure typically deepens gradually as relationships develop. Buchwald applies this by suggesting people pause before disclosing something personal and consider whether the relationship has reached that stage, starting with a “less detailed version” that leaves room to share more later.
The online component is grounded in Pew Research Center survey data from 2012, which found that 11% of social media profile owners had posted something they later regretted, with the figure higher among younger users. Buchwald recommends “sleeping on” highly personal posts and considering whether others featured in the content — particularly children — would be comfortable with it being public.
“When someone is uncomfortable, personal disclosure can feel like a way to stay in control of the moment.”
— Steven Buchwald
Limits of the Guidance
The signs and strategies in the report are advice from one clinician, presented alongside established psychological theory, rather than findings from a new clinical study. The Pew data cited dates from 2012 and predates major shifts in social media use, so current regret rates may differ. The guide does not address situations where persistent urges to disclose may signal an underlying mental health condition requiring professional support, and readers with that concern would need to consult a qualified provider.
The article is also framed for a parenting audience; whether its guidance generalises to workplace or other settings is not addressed.
How to Put the Advice Into Practice
Readers looking to apply the guidance can start with the report’s concrete steps: pause before personal disclosures and consider the relationship’s stage; delay sharing by ten minutes and note whether the urge passes; let silences exist or ask the other person a question; sleep on emotional posts and check whether others featured would consent; and build reciprocity by sharing something, then genuinely listening rather than redirecting to your own experience.
Buchwald’s broader recommendation is to match the disclosure to the need — seeking comfort, advice or closeness directly, and using a journal, a trusted friend or therapy when the main goal is discharging anxiety. As the report puts it, the aim is not to share less across the board but to choose “who gets to hear the story, and when.”
Key Questions
What are the five signs of oversharing in the report?
The signs are: casual conversations turning into therapy sessions; a “vulnerability hangover” of regret afterwards; filling every silence with personal anecdotes; sharing private matters online in the heat of the moment; and one-sided conversations where friends stop opening up.
Is oversharing always a bad thing?
No. The report stresses that sharing honestly about difficult experiences is an important part of friendship and connection. The issue is matching what you share to the right person and moment, not becoming guarded.
What is the quickest way to test whether to share something?
According to Buchwald, ask what you hope will happen after sharing. If you want comfort, advice or closeness, say so. If you mainly want to release anxiety, a journal, a close friend or therapy may be a better outlet.
How should I handle emotional posts on social media?
Buchwald recommends waiting until morning before posting something highly personal, and considering whether children, partners, friends or relatives featured in the content would be comfortable with it being public.
Who is the source of this advice?
The guidance comes from Steven Buchwald, Managing Director of Manhattan Mental Health Counseling, as published by MadeForMums, and draws on social penetration theory from 1973 and 2012 Pew Research Center survey data.
Source: rss
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